


once in twenty lifetimes

by piginawig



Category: IT - Stephen King
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, First Chapter is Angst, First Kiss, M/M, Mostly Fluff, SECOND CHAPTER IS THE HAPPY ENDING, Teenage reddie, adult reddie, slight angst with happy ending
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-23
Updated: 2020-08-23
Packaged: 2021-03-06 23:07:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,672
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26066968
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/piginawig/pseuds/piginawig
Summary: Eddie Kaspbrak had to say goodbye to his best friend at age 13. He wished desperately to live in some other universe where Richie never had to leave. He can imagine them. Happy together in other, better worlds.27 years later, Eddie Kaspbrak gets to say hello to his best friend at age 40. Maybe he decides this universe was worth the wait.
Relationships: Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier
Comments: 8
Kudos: 47





	once in twenty lifetimes

**Author's Note:**

> This used to be very different, with chapters that represented different alternate universes where Richie and Eddie end up together. However, the concept wasn't working for me, so I deleted those (you can find them as individual oneshots in my works) and am going to finish this the way I initially planned - picking back up 27 years later, when Richie and Eddie remember the last time they saw each other.

Eddie Kaspbrak believes in parallel universes. He has to imagine that on some other plane of existence he’s happy, or else he’ll lose every ounce of hope inside of him. There has to be some other version of him sitting in the grass somewhere, reading comics with his best friend who will never leave him, never move to the other side of the country, some version of him who’s allowed to let his hair grow until it curls a little at the ends, even some version of him who still has his father. There are maybe even universes where he’s a little less afraid of everything. Versions of him that don’t have fake asthma, who don’t have a sense of self preservation so strong that it keeps him from doing the things he wants to do. Versions that live in a world where Pennywise never existed. A version that will grow up to be a doctor, a teacher, a lawyer. Hell, he might even be a train conductor or an astronaut.

One thing he knows for sure about all of those parallel universes, though, the ones where he is happy, is that Richie never leaves. His parents never move him away from Derry, away from _Eddie_ , and they get to grow up together. Maybe they get to be roommates in college, or share an apartment together somewhere cool like New York or LA. Even ones where Richie’s doing stupid things, like really trying to make ventriloquism work, or following his father’s footsteps into dentistry, they’re together. Even if they’re apart, if they go to different colleges or work in different cities, they still talk on the phone, and write letters, and visit as much as they can. And eventually they’ll settle down and buy houses right next door to each other, and their wives would be best friends, too.

Maybe some of those Eddies don’t even _have_ a wife, because he isn’t even sure he _wants_ one, and neither does Richie, and they get to hang out all the time and have sleepovers whenever they want. But they always end up right next to each other, in all those universes where Eddie is happy.

Eddie has taken to imagining all these different universes, ever since Richie informed him his parents wanted to move out to the west coast. When Richie told him, he’d been pretending like he wasn’t crying, and Eddie let him. It’s been one of the only things keeping him going, especially because two weeks later Ben had announced he and his mother were leaving, too.

Bev’s already gone, and Eddie’s heart feels like it’s shrinking in his chest as his friends start to disappear, one by one.

But he still has time with Richie. Maybe only a few hours, in the middle of the night in his bedroom with the light off so Sonia doesn’t suspect that Richie crawled in through his window, but still, it’s time.

“Maybe I’ll be really cool at my new school,” Richie is saying, hands fidgeting with Eddie’s comforter. They’re sitting on his bed, both cross legged, and Richie has managed to find the singular spot on the comforter where the thread is coming loose. Normally, Eddie would slap his hands away, but this isn’t normally. This is their last night, maybe ever, even though Richie keeps swearing it won’t be.

“You’re moving to Seattle, not an alternate reality,” Eddie tells him.

“Yowza,” Richie says, though it’s lacking it’s usual gusto. “Eds Gets Off A Good One!”

Eddie rolls his eyes but his heart lurches. There’s a part of him that is terrified he’s never going to hear that stupid, stupid phrase again. He wants it tattooed behind his eyelids so he never forgets it, never forgets what it feels like to be 13, to have your favorite person in the world say his stupid catchphrase, to feel like he’s glowing from the inside out.

He knows he’ll still have Stan and Mike and Bill, but it won’t be the same. He loves them all, of course he does, but Richie is his _person_. Richie is the one who chose him to be his Best Friend Forever on the first day of kindergarten. Richie is the one who makes him feel brave. Richie is the one he goes to when he’s upset, because he’s the one who makes things better.

How is he supposed to be happy when the person who makes things better is gone?

“I should probably get going soon,” Richie says into the darkness of the room. The moonlight shining in through the window lets Eddie see his face, though, possibly for the last time.

“I –“ Eddie stops because he doesn’t know what to say. It’s almost 5 AM, and Sonia will be up by 7 and will expect Eddie to get up with her. She’s already let him know she wants to leave the house by 8 so they can reach her sister’s house before noon. “Are you sure?”

“You need some sleep if you’re going to deal with your aunts all day tomorrow, pinching your cheeks and telling you how cute cute _cute_ you are.”

Eddie blushes. He’s glad Richie can’t see it in the darkness.

“But I just –“ He sighs heavily, feels his eyes stinging with tears. “She did it on purpose. So I couldn’t say goodbye to you.”

He feels Richie’s hand on top of his, and even though it’s a little sweaty it makes him feel a little better.

“I figured,” Richie says. “So we’ll just have to – to say goodbye now.”

Eddie swallows thickly. “I don’t want to.”

Richie huffs out a sad laugh. “Yeah. Me either. But…”

He trails off, and starts to stand from the bed. In a haze of panic, Eddie stands with him and grabs his wrist.

“Just –“ He blanks, has nothing to say, so he just reaches up and wraps his arms tightly around Richie’s neck. They hug all the time, but usually it’s one-armed and quick. This is not like those hugs. He feels Richie’s arms around his waist and feels the first few tears fall down his cheeks. He’s going to get the collar of Richie’s shirt wet with his tears but he can’t find it in himself to care. He hears Richie sniffle and squeezes tighter.

After a few moments, he feels Richie’s arms loosen and he takes his face from the crook of his neck to look up at him. Even as best friends, it’s rare they ever get this close. Close enough that Eddie can see each individual eyelash behind Richie’s thick glasses. Close enough to see specks of dark blue in his bright blue eyes.

Close enough that it takes him a moment to realize Richie is moving even closer.

His breath hitches when Richie is close enough that he can feel the slightest brush of their noses.

Richie seems to snap out of a trance at the involuntary sound that escapes Eddie’s throat. His eyes widen and for a second he looks like he’s been caught with his hand in the cookie jar. Eddie feels his arms completely drop from around his waist. He feels the same seize of panic as he did when Richie had started to leave, because he can feel it that Richie is pulling away and he’s not _ready_ , he can’t let go yet, and everything inside him is screaming that he doesn’t want Richie to stop, wants him to keep coming closer and closer and closer.

It’s the first time he’s let himself feel it. His heart races and he locks his arms behind Richie’s neck so he can’t keep pulling away. His brain is a jumbled mess and his mouth moves without his permission.

“Keep going.”

Richie’s breath hitches this time, and Eddie can see his cheeks are reddening, but he’s staying still even though Eddie _wants_. And now that he’s admitted it to himself he feels like he’s on fire and Richie is the only water in the world that could put him out.

“ _Eds_ – “ Richie croaks.

Eddie, never one for patience, takes matters into his own hands. He pushes up on his toes and closes the distance quickly, clumsily pressing their lips together. It pulls a strangled sound from the back of Richie’s throat but he doesn’t move, and for a second Eddie worries he’s read this wrong, this isn’t what Richie wanted, now he’s definitely lost him forever –

And then he feels hands on his waist and feels Richie’s inexperienced lips begin to move against his own. His arms fall until his hands are on Richie’s shoulders, and the kiss only lasts a few seconds before Eddie pulls back, mostly because he doesn’t know what to do with his mouth. Part of him doesn’t even care, wants to kiss Richie again even if he doesn’t know what to do, maybe it’s something they can figure out together –

Richie pulls back and this time Eddie lets him.

“I have to go,” Richie whispers through tears. Eddie nods, frozen in place as Richie goes to the window. He’s halfway out, one leg perched on the sill, when he turns back to Eddie and says, “I’ll call. I won’t be like Bev, okay? I’ll call every day.”

In his heart, he knows Richie means it. He also knows it’s not going to happen. Eddie’s not even sure he’d be able to handle it anyway, hearing Richie’s voice and not being able to see him.

“Okay,” he says, sniffling. He tries his best to smile at Richie, but he’s sure his anguish is written all over his face anyway. Richie waves, a little dorky, a little cute, and climbs out the window. It takes over five minutes before Eddie moves from where he’s standing to close it behind him.

He lays in his bed and cries, and wishes desperately that he was another Eddie, in a different universe. One of the happy ones. A version that never has to say goodbye to his best friend.

Richie doesn’t call.


End file.
